We Do What We Must
by S1r3h
Summary: Thought I would go ahead and post this now, see what you guys think and all. About a month after leaving Sunnydale, Buffy, still heartbroken over the loss of Spike, discovers she's pregnant. MUCH BIGGER SUMMARY INSIDE. NOT YOUR ORDINARY BABY FIC.
1. Prologue

Prologue

Post-Chosen. Set in London. About a month after leaving Sunnydale, Buffy, still heartbroken over the loss of Spike, discovers she's pregnant. Between men with weird symbols on their hands trying to kill her and her baby, Dawn discovering secrets better left buried, and a masked girl visiting Giles at night, Buffy discovers information about Spike she never would have guessed. Xander's stuck between a hard place and a girl he shouldn't be looking at once, let alone be sleeping with, and Willow... well she's just trying to figure out what the hell is going on. Who's Jamie, and just whose side is he really on? On top of all that, someone's keeping secrets and Andrew knows more then he should. *NOTE* Dawn is eighteen in this fic instead of sixteen and Angel Season Five will start a little later than in cannon.

* * *

Buffy panted as she willed herself to keep going, to move faster, but with every step she took, she began to grow more tired than ever. But she didn't have time to rest. They were chasing her, she could feel them catching up with her as if they were right on her heels. She resisted the urge to look over her shoulder as almost every teen she'd ever seen in a horror movie did before getting killed. If she were to look back, then she wouldn't be looking ahead, and if she wasn't looking ahead then she would do something stupid, like trip. And she didn't have time to make mistakes. She had to keep running. Not only for herself, but for the little miracle that was growing away in her stomach.

Giles had warned her not to go out until they were sure that these mystery guys were harmless, but she just couldn't resist. She'd thought she would go find someone to give her information about these guys, but she hadn't even made it to the local demon haunts before they had found her. Willow had done a spell around the house, masking her presence, so that whatever these guys were using to track her couldn't work as long as she stayed inside the house.

And that was the problem; she'd been locked inside that house for two weeks, ever since they'd announced their attack on her, with nothing to do but watch TV, research, and listen to teen girls whine over every little thing imaginable; even Dawn was staring to get sick of that last one, which said a lot. She had been going stir-crazy and needed an escape. Given she probably could have picked a less dangerous time of day – or night – to start getting adventurous.

If he was here, he'd protect her, these guys would have been nothing but a memory by now, she was sure. She didn't like to think about him because it hurt too much, so she tried to concentrate on the feeling of having his child nestled inside of her. She didn't know if she could be a mother, but she'd try, for him. She felt a pang in her heart every time she realized that he would never get to hold his child, teach him how to play football, or soccer as they called it in England – British people were so weird. He would never get to scare off the horde of teenage boys that would chase after her; never get to hear him or her call him daddy. She was sure he'd make a great father. If only he were here.

The cool London air rushing against her face only made the tears that were now pouring down her face feel colder as she thought back to that last night they'd shared in her basement. The loving words he'd whispered in her ear, the feel of his hands caressing her skin as they rocked together, slowly and lovingly, when he'd sank his fangs deep into her right breast which had them both falling over the edge, screaming in ecstasy.

Why hadn't she told him then? Why had she kissed Angel? She'd told Spike that it was a 'Hello'. But in reality, she'd had no clue why she'd done it. She knew now though. She'd had a lot of time to think over the last month and a half, to grieve over his death. Kissing Angel hadn't been a 'Hello,' it had been a 'Goodbye'.

Losing Angel had nearly destroyed her at the time. He had been her first love, and because of that she would always feel something for him; but not love, at least not the kind of love she felt for Spike. He'd been a fairytale in her sixteen year old mind. Being with him had caused her more pain and happiness then she would've ever imagined. But life wasn't a fairytale. People didn't grow up and marry their Prince Charming; they grew up and fell in love. Deep, messy, complicated love. She knew that now.

When Angel had died, she'd done the one thing that made since in her teenaged mind. She'd run, and hurt the people she'd cared most about in the world in the process. When Spike had died, she'd done the grown up thing and went through the five stages of grief.

Denial had been the easiest that the others had had to deal with, so Dawn says anyway. She'd been absolutely nuts though. Going around, waiting for Spike to pop up out of nowhere with a 'Honey, I'm home!' and a kiss with her name on it. No one had even known that she was grieving until Dawn had gotten so angry that she wasn't the least bit sad that Spike was gone. At the time she'd just laughed it off, which had only added more fire to the fury that she could see in Dawn's eyes. Then, to the shock of everyone else in the room, she'd explained that Spike wasn't gone and that as soon as he found a way, he'd be back.

She could clearly remember the pity in Dawn's eyes when she realized that her sister was in denial, Willow's barley contained tears that were pooled in her eyes over one of her best friend's grief, the way Giles had slowly removed and cleaned his glasses, and even Xander, who had one arm around Willow's shoulders, wasn't looking at her.

They'd tried to explain that night that Spike wasn't coming back, that he was gone, but she hadn't wanted to hear it and had instead fled to the comfort of her room. Later that night she'd found one of Spike's black t-shirts which must have gotten mixed in with her stuff when rushing to pack what little they could take with them. It had sent her into the second stage of grief.

Anger.

She'd been so angry at anyone and anything to pass her by. She'd even yelled at a sweet old lady who'd bumped into her in the grocery store. Whenever her friends would see her coming, they would immediately turn in the opposite direction and walk away as fast as they could. And Spike. He was where the center of her anger had been placed. Why hadn't he taken off the stupid necklace? Did he want to die more than stay with her? How dare he?

But the anger had eventually begun to fade and she'd taken to the third stage of grief like a bee to honey. Bargaining. She'd remembered the demon Spike had told her about and had made up her mind to go to him and ask him to bring Spike back. It had been Willow that had talked her out of it. Willow had reminded her that to bring back a life – or un-life as the case may be – a life must be taken in return. She'd had no idea that Willow blamed herself for Tara's death. She'd known her friend hadn't exactly moved on with that fling she'd had with Kennedy, but she'd never expected that Willow had placed the blame on herself.

And after a few more days of 'what ifs?' she'd fallen into a deep depression. It was also when the morning sickness had started. She'd lain in bed, hardly ever ate anything, and sat in the dark all day. The only time she'd left the house was for a doctor's appointment that Dawn had forced her into going to. Two days later the doctor had called and given her the best news she'd had in what felt like forever. She was one month pregnant, give or take a few days. So she'd started eating again, going out into the sun, and training with the SITs, though Spike was never far from her mind. He'd given her this precious gift and she'd treasure it forever, making sure their little girl or boy knew exactly what and who his or her father had been. Her champion.

Buffy came back to herself when she felt her left foot get caught on a root probably belonging to the nearby tree she saw out of the corner of her eye. She'd been so lost in her thoughts that she'd completely forgotten to focus on getting away from the enemy. Buffy fell to the ground, twisting her ankle in the process. Shouting out in pain as she landed hard on the ground, Buffy rolled over and untangled her foot, trying to ignore the pain, and began to try dragging her body somewhere away from the demons, or vampires, or whatever they were.

But when she looked up, they were already surrounding her, each looked the same. Their faces were expressionless as if this was just another job they had to do. Each had some sort of half-sun tattoo over their left eye, with daggers clutched tightly in their hands. But there was another one. She couldn't see his face for some reason but he had no dagger in his hand and she knew. He was the leader.

He knelt down in front of her and reached a hand out, placing it on her stomach. She couldn't move, couldn't swat his hand away like she desperately wanted to. The man was looking her directly in the eyes when he spoke in a harsh whisper.

"_We're coming for you."_

Buffy jerked up in her bed with a gasp, her hands immediately traveling to her stomach to check on her baby. She wished it was just a nightmare. Though she knew in her heart it wasn't.


	2. Chapter One

Giles arrived home late that night after leaving the Watcher's Council. It seemed like he was never home anymore; that he never had any time to himself. He'd thought that after getting the Council rebuilt that maybe he'd have time to himself. What he hadn't known was that he'd be appointed the head of the Watcher's Council, but he'd dealt. He'd started bringing his work home and relaxing by the fire at nights with a cuppa. Everything was going along swimmingly, for him, anyway.

He'd known Buffy was going through a hard time, but with all the new slayers coming out of the woodwork, Council work, and the fact that Buffy had told him to stay away, he hadn't been around much. After Buffy had found out she was carrying Spike's baby, it only brought more research. Then Buffy's dreams of men attacking her to kill her baby had added even more research. He was so busy that he barely had time to sleep these days, never mind the stress.

His days consisted of training young girls, which always tired him out, physical and mentally. Only sometimes would one of the Scoobies come to his rescue and take things over, but most of the time he was left to his own devices. Then he would have to go through pile after pile of paperwork to allow the young ladies that were currently in England to stay under the Councils care – though they were posing as a boarding school for the officials – not to mention the girls that had yet to even arrive. Next, he would come home research all he could on mystical pregnancy's and occult leaders with a specific tattoo that Buffy had – not very well – drawn. He was about to say that the Powers That Be were behind it just to get some sleep. He would have – in fact, if he wasn't worried about what was growing inside of Buffy he would have – but he was concerned that the child could turn out to hurt her, as he'd heard news of Cordeila's recent state of being, and he would never allow any harm to come to Buffy if he could stop it.

His and Buffy's relationship had suffered greatly in the last few years, and he was determined to make up for all the damage he'd done, if it wasn't already too late.

As Giles made his way inside his home to retire for the rest of the evening, he noticed an envelope that had been crammed under the crack of his door. After setting his work down on the coffee table, he cautiously began to open it. Giles looked at the contents of the envelope. There were two pictures; one – an old photo, yellow with age – of a man he was certain he'd never seen before with a tattoo over his left eye, the other a symbol that matched Buffy's poorly drawn copy. He flipped them over. On the back of the picture of the man there was a name. Henry Jameson Pratt. On the back of the second picture there were numbers. Not a date, nor a location, but a call number; but from what library? He quickly checked the envelope for a clue as to who had sent it. Written on the front of the envelope was 'Barbican.'

Who the hell was Barbican?

* * *

Xander looked at around the room at his fallen friends. Buffy was passed out on the couch, an arm curled protectively around her stomach and Willow's head was resting on book. He'd have to wake her soon because he knew she'd be upset if she drooled on it. But at the moment he was glad for the silence. It gave him a chance to thing, though he didn't know whether or not that was a good thing. Of all things that the Scoobies had done, he'd done the worst. Willow had tried to end the world and he was confident that what he did was still worse. If anybody knew… he didn't want to think about it.

What would they do they found out that… that he… Maybe he should just tell them? Do it quick, kind of like ripping of a Band-Aid. But the look on their faces, he couldn't stop picturing the disgust. Now he knew how Buffy had felt once upon a time, when she couldn't tell them about Spike. He hadn't understood it then, how she could lie to her friends, but now he understood perfectly.

He hated himself for what he was doing, but at the same time, he couldn't stop himself. He couldn't stop his feelings.

Last year he wouldn't have even have thought about something this crazy, but during the last year they had all changed so much. They weren't the people they used to be. It was understandable that feelings could change when you've been through all that they had. But he'd known her since she was eleven, was her friend for seven years, real or not.

His concentration was broken at the sound of feet coming down the stairs. And there she stood, uncertain, at the foot of the stairs, dressed for her morning jog. She looked beautiful, as always.

"Are they…?"

"Asleep?" Xander finished. "Yeah, they passed out about an hour ago."

"Oh."

"Yeah," Xander replied awkwardly.

There was a moment of silence broken only by a snore coming from the blond on the couch.

"So, um, about the other night…"

"Forget it," Xander interrupted. "It was a mistake. You know, two people that have known each other as long as we have, sometimes get confused. And with everything that happened…"Xander trailed off. "It was a mistake right?"

Dawn looked up from where she had been staring at her feet. He thought it was a mistake. Oh god!

She forced a smile, "Yeah, totally. I mean… you and me? That's crazy. It would never work out, even if we wanted it to, which I don't, because we're friends – best friends, right?"

"Right," Xander agreed.

There was another moment of tense silence with no snores from either of the two that were sleeping to break it.

"Well, I was just on my way out," Dawn nodded towards the door.

"Of course," Xander nodded.

Dawn walked quickly towards the door, not wanting to be there for another second, not knowing if she could hold her tears back. She felt dirty, used. This is how Spike must have felt during his relationship – if you could call it that – with Buffy. One thing was for sure. She was never going to sleep with Alexander Harris ever again.

* * *

As Dawn jogged across town – something that Giles said she should do to keep in shape – the feeling of being used was momentarily gone, replaced with anger. Xander was so glad he wasn't here. She would have pounded on his stupid face if he was. Mistake! Yeah right, he's the mistake! What was she thinking, getting involved with Xander? He'd left Anya at her wedding! Shows how good a boyfriend he'd make.

Dawn came to stop at the edge of town where she usually turned back, but she didn't feel like going home at the moment. If she kept going she knew she would run into the woods sooner or later and the last thing she wanted was to get lost in there, but she kept going anyway, walking now, trying to catch her breath. She'd turn around before she got too far, she just wanted to peace and quiet, some time to think.

Dawn had wondered a little deeper into the forest when she started hearing a buzzing in her ear. She swatted a hand through the air, thinking it was just a bug, but the noise only increased. Dawn covered her ears, but the noise was still as loud as ever. Not watching where she was stepping, she tripped over a log and down she went. Only she didn't hit the ground. Instead she kept falling, as if she had fallen off a cliff. Eventually she hit the ground, losing consciousness as her head hit the dirt floor.

* * *

"Hey, Buffy, I'm going for a walk. Wanna join?" Willow asked.

Buffy sighed, "Yeah, I might as well start my exercising now since I'm gonna be fatter than a whale in a few months."

Willow rolled her eyes but smiled happily as she waited at the door for her friend to get her jacket. It wasn't really cold out, but the wind could be chilly sometimes, so better safe than sorry. The two had walked for several minutes when Buffy decided it was time to break the silence.

"Willow?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't think I can help with this apocalypse, or whatever, and I know that's selfish since I'm the one they're after, but… I just can't risk getting hurt right now. Not while I'm…"

Buffy pointed to her stomach to indicate her pregnancy.

"Pregnant," Willow finished with a smile. "You can say it you know."

Buffy shrugged, "I just don't wanna get my hopes up. Something could happen and I just…"

"Oh, Buffy," Willow put her arm around her friends shoulder and pulled her into a hug. "It's okay to be happy, and no, it's not selfish. You're doing this for your baby, not yourself. We know that under normal circumstances you'd be right on the front line, fighting the big fight right along with us, but right now, you can't think of what's best for you, you gotta think about what's best for your baby."

"Wow," Buffy wiped her tears away with the back of her hand. "You sound like your talking from experience."

Willow smiled shyly, "Well, ever since you found out you were pregnant, I've been reading a lot of books to, you know, help you through it all."

"Oh, Willow, that's so sweet," Buffy cried.

It wasn't long before the two friends were walking again, talking about anything and everything, including Xander's weird behavior, the distance between Buffy herself and Giles, and Dawn's abnormal giddiness.

"I think she's met someone," Willow guessed, not noticing that Buffy had stopped walking. "I mean, it would explain the giddiness, right? Buffy, what's wrong?"

Willow followed her friends gaze, her own eyes landing on a mailbox of the house they'd stopped in front of. On the mailbox was a symbol. The same symbol that Buffy had drawn the other day for Giles.


	3. Chapter Two

Buffy and Willow continued to stare at the symbol on the mailbox until the sound of a screen door closing captured their attention. An elderly lady was exiting the house; the house that had the same half-sun symbol as the guys that were after her, guys that she had only seen in her dreams but knew were real. Buffy shared a look with Willow and at once they both made their way to the old lady that was making her way to her car.

"Excuse me," Buffy called.

"Yes," the lady stopped and turned towards them before answering. "Can I help you?"

"Well, we saw that the house is for sale, and we were wondering if maybe we could have a look inside."

"Well, I have to get to the post office before it closes but there's a spare key under the mat. You can go ahead and have a look inside if you like," the lady continued to make her way to her car. "I won't be gone long, if you'd like to stick around."

"Um, sure," Willow answered.

People were apparently a lot more trusting in Europe than in the United States. Buffy knew for a fact that she would never let anyone into her home without her there, especially some stranger. But as she and Willow walked through the front door, Buffy realized that the lady had left them in her empty house. There was nothing there. They'd searched the house up and down and found nothing other than small things that the lady wasn't keeping and was giving to whoever wanted them. Small things like stuffed animals and old lamps with no lampshades.

They had made their way to the second floor when they came upon the attic. In the attic they found box after box of things and while Buffy had no problems with snooping, Willow felt a little weird about going through the nice old lady's stuff.

"Come on, Willow," Buffy encouraged. "I have to see what's here and if this stuff is connected to the men who want to kill my baby."

Buffy had already started digging in one of the boxes and after a moment of hesitation, Willow joined her. They didn't expect what they found.

* * *

Dawn blinked as she began to wake. It took her a second to come to, though when she did she wished she hadn't. There was a pounding in her head that resembled that of a pounding on a door. She carefully sat up and scanned the room. Or cave. She took a look at the rock walls and dirt flooring.

Yep, definitely a cave.

Standing, she wiped the dust off her pants and looked up from where she had fallen. Momentarily blinded by the sunlight, she brought a hand up to shield her eyes. She blinked as the dust bunnies clouded her vision as she scanned the hole in the earth that she'd just fallen through. There! A long vine was hanging down. Jumping a little to reach it, Dawn grabbed a hold of it and immediately came crashing to the ground, a hundred feet of vine tangling around her.

Dawn groaned. This was shaping out to be one of the worst days ever.

* * *

"Look," Willow waved Buffy over from her own box that she'd been searching through. "It's a dairy, from like ages ago. See how the pages are sort of yellow," she pointed out.

"Yeah, Will's," Buffy smiled. "That's real exciting."

Willow frowned at the lack of interest in her friend's voice.

"Sorry," she apologized. "I got a little sidetracked."

"No," Buffy sighed. "I'm sorry, Willow. I didn't mean to snap. It's probably some sort of hormone thing."

"Still," Willow objected. "I'll keep looking."

The two friends shared a smile as they each went back to rummaging into their designated boxes. It was nothing but junk to Buffy. Old photographs and old books. Willow on the other hand, was having the time of her life, reading some of the old journals. She'd been a little wary at first, not wanting to snoop, but after checking the date on the entry's she figured they wouldn't mind now. Most of it was scribbles, words crossed out and reworked across the pages, but from what Willow could see, it looked like a bunch of poems. And not very good ones at that. Though she could tell that as the author grew, so did the quality of the poems.

Willow sat the journal down at her side, deciding to come back to it later and continue searching. She was gently pushing the yellowed photographs out of the way when one caught her eye.

"Buffy?"

"Yeah," Buffy sighed, shoving more junk out of the way. There had to be something here to give her some answers. There just had to be.

"Um, I think I found something," she called over her shoulder.

"Really?" Buffy crawled her way through the boxes to her friend. She could have stood but the ceiling was low and she'd already hit her head once. "What is it?"

Willow handled the picture carefully, pointing to one of the guys in it.

"Doesn't that look a little like..." Willow trailed off.

"Spike," Buffy gasped. He looked different. His hair was... well, a mess, and he was wearing Giles-like clothes but Buffy could tell. It was him.

"Yeah," Willow breathed.

Buffy shook her head, "No, it can't be."

"But.." Willow protested.

"No, Willow," Buffy interrupted, her eyes filling with tears. "It can't be him. He's gone."

"Buffy," Willow started cautiously. "I know you're hurting, and I'm sorry I haven't been around, what with council business and all. And that's no excuse," she rushed. "But it still doesn't change the fact that Spike's gone, and he's not coming back." Willow rested her hands on her friends shoulder. "I'm not saying that you should move on right away. You need time to grieve. I get that."

"Willow," Buffy interrupted.

"No, Buffy," Willow cut her off. "I know I haven't been reliable Willow for a while now, but that's going to change from now on. I'm going to be the best Auntie Willow in all of Europe. You'll see."

Buffy brought a hand to cover the sound of her sobs.

"That's so sweet," she cried before pulling the redhead into a hug.

* * *

His eyes were burning with the amount of stress he put on them. Book after book lay open all around his living room in his hast to find answers, but it was worth it. After extensive research, Giles had finally found what he was looking for. A Barbican, also known as a la barbacana, was a missionary demon, known for their ability to protect something or someone. They took their work very seriously. It was a matter of life and death to them. Giles imagined that if they failed what they were supposed to protect, their client would kill them, so they'd might as well go out in battle.

Now that he'd found this information, he didn't really know what to do with it. They were parts of a puzzle that he had yet to complete. Sighing, he laid the book on the coffee table among the others so he could rub his eyes.

Again, Giles sighed. He'd been doing that a lot lately what with everything he had going on. Looking between his fingers, he laid eyes on the picture of the man that had been left for him. He still had stuff to figure out. Who was the man in picture? What was the symbol? What library was the call number from?

Making a decision, Giles grabbed the picture in one hand, a jacket in the other, and left the comfort of his living from. It was only three in the afternoon, and he had a library to find.

* * *

Once getting to her feet for the second time that day, Dawn gave the vine a sharp pull. It didn't come loose, which meant it had to be stuck on something. Her arms hurt from how she had landed and she knew she wouldn't be able to climb out at the moment. So instead, she turned and took her first detailed look at her surroundings. It was dark. The sun had moved so that not nearly the amount of light that had been pouring in through the hole earlier was now.

Her hands went to her pocket, searching for her house keys that had a tiny flashlight on it. Finding it, she pressed the tiny button and took a look around. Rock and more rock. More or less what you'd expect to find in a cave. There was nothing there. Turning to take her chances on the vine, she almost missed the door in the corner, concealed by shadows. But she didn't.

Feeling a little scared now, for a moment all she could do was just stare at it. Fear told her to rush to the vine and climb as fast as she could, but some part of her wanted to know what was behind that door. Eventually her curiosity won out and she made her way to the door slowly.

When she reached it, she put her ear against it, listening for any sound that could mean that someone was inside. Hearing nothing, she reached out, grabbing the handle, and pushed.

* * *

"Um, Buffy," Willow's voice broke the moment the two friends were sharing as they broke their hug. "I know we sort of had a moment there, but there's still the fact that the photos are here, and they seem to be of Spike from like a long time ago."

"Yeah," Buffy paused to wipe the tears from her eyes. "I'm not sure if I can..."

"We can wait," Willow rushed. "We can take them back to the house with us."

Buffy shook her head, "No. No, I've gotta be strong. Maybe I'll even find something to show my little girl. Or boy."

Willow gave her friend a hug of encouragement. She was proud of everything Buffy was getting though these days. She'd lost the man she loved, found out she was pregnant with his child, and she was still standing. Willow wished she could help somehow.

The sound of a door opening and shutting brought them back to the present.

"Did you hear that?" Buffy whispered.

"It's the lady!"

"What should we do?"

"Hide!" Willow immediately hurried to the stairs seeing as there was no place to hide in the little attic and Buffy followed, reaching out to grab her arm.

"No, Willow," Buffy objected. "We have to go out and talk to her."

"But, Buffy…" Willow looked to the stairs where she could hear footsteps. Confrontations really weren't her thing and what would the lady think if she found them snooping.

"No, Willow. I sort of want to see about buying this place," she admitted.

"What?"

"Well, the whole time we were searching the place, I couldn't help the feeling as if I should be here," she explained. "I even picked out which rooms the baby's."

"Oh," Willow paused. "Well, if you feel that strongly about it then… Ok, we'll get the place," Willow smiled as they exited the attic and closed the door behind them. "And don't worry about multiple offers. I've got connections," she winked.

"The council," Buffy smiled.

"Yep," Willow flaunted as they greeted the lady by the stairs.


End file.
